Maine continues

Sally and I had fun with all the fiber she dyed before leaving for Maine. I don't have pictures of the spinning she was working on, but I can tell you she really has a knack for making wonderful stuff.

Here is what we did the first or second day we were there. You can see how warm and comfortable this house is. But we pulled out bags and bags of dyed roving.

I was greatly inspired by the golden yellows, greens, oranges and spots of bright red in all the trees as we drove up to Maine and wants to try and capture that feel in a yarn.

Here are some of the many colors Sally provided for me to work with.

Here is a completed swatch (while blurry) it is hanging on the branch of a tree that I used for inspiration.

This would be my next goal if we had more time to play.

The fun thing is that even Ken got in on the act and did some work with the drum carder. He also seems to have a knack for color blending.

More Maine Pictures

Maine - Day 1

Ken and I just got back from a trip to Maine where we stayed with Sally and Charlie in Rogue Bluffs.

We got a whirlwind tour of the local area during the first few days and here are some pictures from our first fill day there. It was pretty cloudy and I did not do a good job of focusing my camera but here are a few shots from the first day:

Knitting Stress

Yeah, I know that's a conflict of terms. But I have found there are some things about knitting that really stress me out despite the long periods of calm it provides me.

1. Deciding on a project. I can spend HOURS trying to figure out what I want to knit next.And those are hours I probably could have and should have been knitting on one of the objects from #2.
   
2. Guilt over unfinished objects. Well, I get bored sometimes and the next one is calling me (see #1). But why I have to have 10 or so projects running at the same time, none of which are knitting themselves and so it takes me forever to complete anything (see #4).
   
3. Guilt over stash. When I break down and buy when I honestly don't need. It's especially bad when it comes out of the grocery budget.
4. Gifts not completed. At least not completed in a timely fashion. I think friends and family are getting used to this, but I'm trying not to promise anything until it's completed.
5. Lace. I love it and hate it at the same time... I think I've frogged far more than I've completed and I know practice makes perfect, but sometimes I have to finish things that are not quite right (or even close to right).
6. Casting on. Why can't we knit without this step? I don't know why I hate casting on... but I do.
7. Times when I cannot knit and I'm stressed and want to knit...
   

It's crazy talk!

Is this menopause or insanity?

This has not a thing to do with knitting or spinning ... or maybe it does because those are the only two activities that make me the least bit happy these days.

On Friday I actually had a good day. I got out and completed 30 home contacts with my "clients". Of those, there were less than a handful where no one was home. I did not get lost at all and everyone was pleasant and I even got a lunch break. And I made it back to the office about 4:15. This is record breaking stuff here! I felt good!

Then I looked at my email and found an email from my immediate supervisor who was basically scolding me for something I did not know, derided me for being too trusting of the clients, and claimed I had not done something that I did. He also told me I shouldn't have gone out that day and should have stayed in and he wanted a complete report on Tuesday when we returned to work about what I was going to do to fix this problem. Now, there is not a thing I can do about this. My weekend plans are full. I don't get paid overtime. Today (our returning day), I have three regular appointments and a case opening in the morning. And the matter at hand will have already been to court.

Well, long story short I had a bit of a meltdown. I burst into tears. I felt myself getting horribly angry. I decided I really needed to quit my job that I was obviously a complete failure at it and I really hated my position and I certainly hate my supervisor. I fired off an email to him stating that he was not being fair, and I would work on it over the weekend.

Unfortunately, in my hurry to pack everything up and hustle out the door (in tears, mind you), I forgot the powercord to the laptop.

I drove home crying and actually started considering ways to quit my job. I did not sleep well that night. I woke up with a horrible sinus headache (probably from the crying). On Saturday I spent the day feeling like crap but got a few things done around the house. I cleaned a lot of odd junk out of the sheep yard (logs and what not uncovered from their grazing). I planted some more grass seed. I discovered that evening that I did not have the powercord and again felt like crying.

That night I had the notion that folks might be better off all around if I was dead.

Fortunately, I've been here before and I recognize that as a notion that is irrational and driven purely by a chemical imbalance. For now, I can fight that off.

I know it's depression. But I'm taking an anti-depressant (Sertraline, generic for Zolof). I've been taking it for just over a year. And it's been working just fine. Why this sudden onset of worsening symptoms?

Is it the Autumn Blues?
Menopause?
I've recently stopped drinking... could that be the problem?
I also just finished a course of Prednisone for my back -- roid rage?

In any case, the whole thing is really frustrating and I can talk about it rationally and I know one side none of the depression thoughts make sense. I should be able to handle some criticism from my supervisor. But this is really debilitating and frustrating.