Maine continues

Sally and I had fun with all the fiber she dyed before leaving for Maine. I don't have pictures of the spinning she was working on, but I can tell you she really has a knack for making wonderful stuff.

Here is what we did the first or second day we were there. You can see how warm and comfortable this house is. But we pulled out bags and bags of dyed roving.

I was greatly inspired by the golden yellows, greens, oranges and spots of bright red in all the trees as we drove up to Maine and wants to try and capture that feel in a yarn.

Here are some of the many colors Sally provided for me to work with.

Here is a completed swatch (while blurry) it is hanging on the branch of a tree that I used for inspiration.

This would be my next goal if we had more time to play.

The fun thing is that even Ken got in on the act and did some work with the drum carder. He also seems to have a knack for color blending.

More Maine Pictures

Maine - Day 1

Ken and I just got back from a trip to Maine where we stayed with Sally and Charlie in Rogue Bluffs.

We got a whirlwind tour of the local area during the first few days and here are some pictures from our first fill day there. It was pretty cloudy and I did not do a good job of focusing my camera but here are a few shots from the first day:

Knitting Stress

Yeah, I know that's a conflict of terms. But I have found there are some things about knitting that really stress me out despite the long periods of calm it provides me.

1. Deciding on a project. I can spend HOURS trying to figure out what I want to knit next.And those are hours I probably could have and should have been knitting on one of the objects from #2.
   
2. Guilt over unfinished objects. Well, I get bored sometimes and the next one is calling me (see #1). But why I have to have 10 or so projects running at the same time, none of which are knitting themselves and so it takes me forever to complete anything (see #4).
   
3. Guilt over stash. When I break down and buy when I honestly don't need. It's especially bad when it comes out of the grocery budget.
4. Gifts not completed. At least not completed in a timely fashion. I think friends and family are getting used to this, but I'm trying not to promise anything until it's completed.
5. Lace. I love it and hate it at the same time... I think I've frogged far more than I've completed and I know practice makes perfect, but sometimes I have to finish things that are not quite right (or even close to right).
6. Casting on. Why can't we knit without this step? I don't know why I hate casting on... but I do.
7. Times when I cannot knit and I'm stressed and want to knit...
   

It's crazy talk!

Is this menopause or insanity?

This has not a thing to do with knitting or spinning ... or maybe it does because those are the only two activities that make me the least bit happy these days.

On Friday I actually had a good day. I got out and completed 30 home contacts with my "clients". Of those, there were less than a handful where no one was home. I did not get lost at all and everyone was pleasant and I even got a lunch break. And I made it back to the office about 4:15. This is record breaking stuff here! I felt good!

Then I looked at my email and found an email from my immediate supervisor who was basically scolding me for something I did not know, derided me for being too trusting of the clients, and claimed I had not done something that I did. He also told me I shouldn't have gone out that day and should have stayed in and he wanted a complete report on Tuesday when we returned to work about what I was going to do to fix this problem. Now, there is not a thing I can do about this. My weekend plans are full. I don't get paid overtime. Today (our returning day), I have three regular appointments and a case opening in the morning. And the matter at hand will have already been to court.

Well, long story short I had a bit of a meltdown. I burst into tears. I felt myself getting horribly angry. I decided I really needed to quit my job that I was obviously a complete failure at it and I really hated my position and I certainly hate my supervisor. I fired off an email to him stating that he was not being fair, and I would work on it over the weekend.

Unfortunately, in my hurry to pack everything up and hustle out the door (in tears, mind you), I forgot the powercord to the laptop.

I drove home crying and actually started considering ways to quit my job. I did not sleep well that night. I woke up with a horrible sinus headache (probably from the crying). On Saturday I spent the day feeling like crap but got a few things done around the house. I cleaned a lot of odd junk out of the sheep yard (logs and what not uncovered from their grazing). I planted some more grass seed. I discovered that evening that I did not have the powercord and again felt like crying.

That night I had the notion that folks might be better off all around if I was dead.

Fortunately, I've been here before and I recognize that as a notion that is irrational and driven purely by a chemical imbalance. For now, I can fight that off.

I know it's depression. But I'm taking an anti-depressant (Sertraline, generic for Zolof). I've been taking it for just over a year. And it's been working just fine. Why this sudden onset of worsening symptoms?

Is it the Autumn Blues?
Menopause?
I've recently stopped drinking... could that be the problem?
I also just finished a course of Prednisone for my back -- roid rage?

In any case, the whole thing is really frustrating and I can talk about it rationally and I know one side none of the depression thoughts make sense. I should be able to handle some criticism from my supervisor. But this is really debilitating and frustrating.

Lost one

Tom died on Wednesday of this week.

I honestly believe we did everything we could do to save him but he just never completely recovered from the respiratory problem he arrived with.

I'm very glad we decided to go ahead and get Alice when we did. She had time to bond with Jerry and so while they were both upset for about 24 hours, they seem to be acting pretty normally now.

They both get wormed again this coming week and we will switch them over to the other side of the "pasture".

I have been spreading pasture grass seed throughout their current pasture area and plan to expand some of that out into the rest of our yard. I think, given an improved yard, I will eventually be able to convince Ken that we can get a few more sheep.

Ken was the most upset by Tom's death, I think. He disposed of his body and was almost angry that he had died. I think it frustrates him when he can't fix things. He mumbled for a few days about not getting any more animals, but then got back to improving their little barn.

He bought some pressure treated plywood and says he is going out tomorrow to work on it. If that project goes well, then it won't be insurmountable to consider putting up another in the front yard where we actually have more open space.

Life sucking pain

I swear I get the weirdest injuries.

Since Thursday, I've had a return of the screaming pain shooting down my right arm and aching in my right hand. It's exhausting.

I think it comes from having slung a briefcase containing laptop and files over my shoulder and lugging it around from car to courtroom and visa versa and then from office to car and home. This pain is the same I experienced a few years ago after lugging a heavy briefcase of files from the Records Office to the work area at the prison. But, of course, I can prove none of that.

The diagnosis (after a carpal tunnel surgery that fixed nothing) was a slight bulging disk between C6 and C7 and pinching of the nerve that runs out of there down my right arm. The "cure" was 8 weeks of physical therapy which included deep tissue massage (read bruising), and learning to sit and stand in a more upright position.

Over the years, I've gotten sloppy again with my posture. I think I pulled things out of whack again by lugging that heavy ass briefcase last week.

So, for the last two days I've slept without a pillow, taken ibuprofen every four to six hours and lifted NOTHING with my right arm. Today, it is significantly better, but there is still some stinging/pain in my right elbow that comes and goes. It gets better when I tilt my 7 pound head to the left, taking some weight off of that right edge of my spine. I'm hoping another night or two pillowless, alternating between the ibuprofen and Tylenol and extreme care not to aggravate the problem will result in the disk returning to where it belongs and a a return to a relatively pain-free life in which I can hold my head upright during the day.

The ton

Okay, so I don't have quite a TON of fiber to spin, but I do have more than I think I can spin in a year. Unless, of course, I quit knitting with it, which would free up hours of time for spinning.

My worry is that I'm going to have fleeces from my sheep next Spring to add to the pile, so I need to make real progress on what I have. Thus the move to change chairs.

Here is one shot of washed fiber waiting to be spun. This is occupying a corner of my living room. To me it is beautiful to look at, but hubby differs in that opinion and is stressing over the space. Of course that green bag/hose and bucket sitting on a tote in the far right corner is his stuff that needs to go out in the camping trailer.



In the fiber room itself, I have bags, baskets and boxes of stuff in smaller quantities. Included in that mess is silk, flax, several pounds of commercially dyed roving (I do have two or three pounds of some gorgeous purple and green roving that I bought from The Barefoot Spinner at MSW that I'm waiting impatiently to get to). I also have about one and a half a lincoln fleeces and about four pounds of tarhee in there somewhere as well as some black shetland roving. Not to mention there are pounds and pounds of white merino roving and some dyed merino roving that is destined for blending (maybe with some white shetland).

We won't talk about the yarn right now.

Small changes

It might just be the change of seasons or it could be seeing the world through sober eyes, but I've suddenly become alarmed at the chaos in my house. So, I am going to start tackling one problem area at a time. Lest I become overwhelmed.

Yesterday I made Ken move furniture. Just two pieces. I exchanged the big blue monster chair for the smaller, more elegant wingback. Two reasons for this: One, you sink down in the blue monster and it was not good for spinning (wrong angle for hips and knees). Two, my back is more comfortable in the more upright wingback.

So, now I have a chair in front of the TV from which I can spin. I wanted to do this because I have a freaking TON of fiber that needs to be spun and leaving all this in the living room is not getting it completed. I spend perhaps 20 hours a week in the family room. I was spending about 2 hours a week in the living room spinning.

Another good reason to switch is that much of my fiber is in need of prep work (combing, carding, flicking, etc.). This tends to be messy work with bits of hay and dirt going everywhere. Far easier for me to sweep it off a tile floor than to haul out the vacuum to suck it up from the carpet.

So here is the before and after shots:

Before


After


I still want to get some nice covered baskets that will stack for the in-progress knitting projects instead of bags. I think that will help the overall clutter problem.

Changes

My dad was finally diagnosed with Wernicke-Korsacoff Syndrome. Basically it means he has a thiamine deficiency caused by alcohol consumption. It has caused brain damage.

My memory has been getting worse and worse. I think I finally may have figured out why.

As of yesterday, I was sober for a week.

The headaches have been awful. And sometime around day 3 I had some problems with hallucinations in which any straight line I looked at would vibrate. The last couple of days things at work have really been plucking my nerves.

I know if I hang in there, all of these yucky things will pass. But today I was really craving some Kalua. Weird thing to want.

Haven't been knitting much. Just don't have the motivation and I've been going to bed really early. But I hope to get back on track with this soon. I have gifts to finish making!